Trump’s Secretive Hospital Trip Fuels Speculation About His Health


( LAUGHTER )
NOT ALL THE NEWS THIS WEEKEND WAS ABOUT IMPEACHMENT. NOT ALL THE NEWS THIS WEEKEND
WAS ABOUT IMPEACHMENT. ON SATURDAY, THE PRESIDENT MADE
AN UNSCHEDULED TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL. THE SECRETIVE NATURE OF THE
VISIT PROMPTED A LOT OF SPECULATION. WHO KNOWS THE REAL REASON, BUT
TRUMP WOULDN’T BE THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO HIDE HEALTH ISSUES:
F.D.R. HID POLIO, EISENHOWER HID A HEART ATTACK, AND LINCOLN HID
HIS SECRET SKULL REDUCTION SURGERY. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S WHY HE WORE THE HAT. HE HAD THE SURGERY, SO HE HAD TO
WEAR THE HAT TO COVER UP — I DON’T QUITE UNDERSTAND, EITHER. ( LAUGHTER )
I AM SINCERELY RELIEVED TO SAY THAT IT LOOKS LIKE THERE’S
NOTHING WRONG WITH THE PRESIDENT’S HEALTH. I MIGHT NOT BE TRUMP’S BIGGEST
FAN, BUT I DON’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE THE WHITE HOUSE FEET
FIRST. I WANT HANDCUFFS FIRST. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) PRESS SECRETARY STEPHANIE
GRISHAM LATER EXPLAINED THAT TRUMP DECIDED TO GET PARTS OF
HIS PHYSICAL DONE EARLY BECAUSE HE HAD A “FREE WEEKEND” IN
WASHINGTON. OKAY, THAT’S THE SADDEST THING
I’VE EVER HEARD. (AS TRUMP)
“HM, I HAVE THE DAY OFF, I COULD SPEND IT WITH MY CHILDREN? NOT REALLY MY THING. MY WIFE? SHE HATES ME. MY FRIENDS? ALL IN JAIL. AH, I’LL GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND
HAVE THEM STICK ME WITH NEEDLES, JUST TO FEEL SOMETHING.” ( LAUGHTER )
GRISHAM WENT ON, EMPHASIZING THAT TRUMP IS, “HEALTHY AS CAN
BE.” ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, BUT HOW HEALTHY CAN HE BE? HE’S A 73-YEAR-OLD INSOMNIAC WHO
EATS NOTHING BUT FAST FOOD, WHO’S AFRAID OF STAIRS. (AS TRUMP)
“WATCH OUT FOR STAIRS. THEY’RE LIKE RAMPS WITH TEETH.” IT’S TRUE. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP TOOK TO TWITTER TO DEFEND HIS TOTALLY NORMAL SURPRISE
CHECKUP, SAYING HE WENT TO WALTER REED AND “BEGAN PHASE ONE
OF MY YEARLY PHYSICAL.” OKAY, PHYSICALS DON’T HAPPEN IN
PHASES. ( LAUGHTER )
EVERYBODY HAS THEM. I JUST HAD ONE. MY DOCTOR NEVER SAID, “OKAY,
DROP YOUR PANTS, BEND OVER, AND TRY TO RELAX. I’LL BE BACK IN SIX MONTHS.” ( LAUGHTER )
ALL RIGHT? YEP. YEP. ( PIANO RIFF )
STAY THERE. STAY THERE. ( APPLAUSE )
TRUMP FINISHED HIS TWEET WITH, “WILL COMPLETE NEXT YEAR.” ( LAUGHTER )
YES, TRUMP’S FIRST PART OF THE PHYSICAL WAS SUCH A HIT THAT
NEXT YEAR, THEY’RE COMING OUT WITH A SEQUEL:
“COLONOSCOPY 2: 2 BLOCKED 2 SCOPE.” ( LAUGHTER )
WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

100 thoughts on “Trump’s Secretive Hospital Trip Fuels Speculation About His Health

  1. Wait Trump is 73? whoa… im gonna be alive when he dies at least of old age. That's gonna be a weird day and a lot of cheers.

  2. Meanwhile, Bernie is like "Yes, I had a heart attack, but got help and stents quickly, feeling fine now due to access to quality health care, which Medicare for all would provide for EVERYONE, by the way!" . Gotta feel the Bern, even though we know he won't be in the White House… 😢

  3. Trump has failed at concealing his mental retardation. Thanks voters, for giving us this moron. Oh – well – thanks to the Electoral College, because you lost the popular vote, idiot.

  4. I have to say, if it wasn't for Lincoln's skull reduction surgery, John Wilkes Booth's job would've been a lot easier.

  5. OK we know his mental and physical health is atrocious, I know he’s addicted to uppers and at this point probably Xanax and the like… But Trump is always playing the media. He is going to find controversial pardons, health things whatever he can do on impeachment new cycle to lessen it… How easy is it to say something so vague and then leave it at that, Any other president has to worry about their supporters fearing for their health, Trump knows they already don’t really care about that so this just gets people talking about ANYTHING other than impeachment. AND the right can you use this to soak upset in the base by saying how the Democrats are adding too much stress on the presidency with their “witchhunt”

  6. Just another one of Trump misdirections from his fast-shrinking bag of tricks. This man really thinks that people in his base are really that stupid. He's so mean to them to even to think that way.

  7. Don't be so optimistic, they're setting for a non competency judgement. It won't work but they'll sure as fuck try it they're already doing the slow roll on it and have been for quite some time.

  8. Here's the scoop: The republicans know all is lost. They have already told trump to resign. They know if the impeachment goes on, trump will drag down most of the republican party to russia with him, including pence. That would only leave Nancy Pelosi. How sweet will that be?
    You read it here first. Thank you.

  9. Its pretty lame to have a comedy late night show set on politics and Trump hate cause you cant get the views any other way and with all that youre views be dropping anyway lol

  10. They make a place for him now in Washington zoo.
    Today they remove grand panda bie bie to prepare the place for the orange HIPPO

  11. Unless he went in for a much needed psychiatric exam, it is probably just another diversion from the on going criminal investigations.

  12. Don: Doctor, I woke up this morning and my usually brown eyes were blue.

    Dr: Here, drink this

    Don: Damn, that tastes like shit!

    Dr: You were a quart low

  13. 😂 im loving this comments section. However I’d love for him to get cancer, like the last stage but have it drawn out for a long time. So that he’s praying to die. Along with ALL of his supporters. Never thought I’d wish this disease on anyone but in this case it’s justified

  14. I reckon the president ate some salad by mistake and had a scare. That’s why he’s going back next year, when he hopes to pass it.💩

  15. All you people who wouldn't mind if Trump left the White House feet first, more sympathetic, I could not possibly be; however, Cruella de Trump deserves to go to jail. He needs to answer for his crimes. Since I don't believe in either a Hell or in any kind of Afterlife, Trump will be leaving the WH in handcuffs in my own version of this scenario.

  16. Resident trump is a 300 lb obnoxious brat having a temper tantrum. Give him what he demands or he'll hold his breath till he's blue in the face. Anger causes the heart to race and blood pressure to rise. His own rage is making him sick

  17. Yesterday's hearings had two key witnesses, Tim Morrison (former senior director for European Affairs at the White House and the National Security Council (“N.S.C.”) and Lt.Col.Vindman's superior at the time) and Lt.Col.Vindman himself.

    In his opening statement Mr Morrison states, and I quote, "As I stated during my deposition, I feared at the time of the call on July 25 how its disclosure would play in Washington’s political climate. My fears have been realized."

    A little later on, the legal counsel for the democrats asks Lt.Col.Vindman the following:-

    Democrat Counsel: "After this call, did you ever hear from any Ukranians either in the United States or the Ukraine about any pressure that they felt to do these investigations that president Trump demanded?"

    Lt.Col.Vindman: "Not that I can recall."

  18. Yes Steven! For the good of America, Trump must leave the White House "handcuffs first…"
    For the good of America, Trump must pay for his crimes and rot in prison…

  19. What is this loser going to do when Trump isn't the president anymore? His show is for all the losers huddled together hoping he is arrested, impeached or dies, when in fact the real criminal pedophiles that all of you support are going down hard. Some of them already have. Camp Delta Guantanamo Bay. I love winning! [Losers]

  20. I don't care how he leaves the WH as long as he leaves. There has always been something wrong with him, so this is no news. Divine intervention could solve our problem very effectively.

  21. Stephanie needs to come up with at least halfway believable lies. Trump wanted to do part of his physical early??? Hahahaha
    Believable? No way. Hilarious? Hell, yes!

  22. his physical health surpasses his moral health, but death in office followed by demon collection to hell is slightly more likely than obama preceding him. only jimmy carter had any claim to morality in living memory, and he was only good by comparison with the human sludge that normally is the pride of americans.

  23. The doctors asked me to visit so I could explain how I leap tall buildings at a single bound, stop a locomotive with my bare hands and best of all, how I fly (on Sudafed).

  24. Did Stephen perhaps miss a word is his delivery? Should it not have been, ' how healthy can, 'can be' , be? I'm just asking?

  25. ….Steve. .I will gladly take trump being carried out feet first…wonder what the crowd size will be when he returns to hell….

  26. I would love to bend Donald Trump over, part his ample cheeks and shove my manhood deep into his brown swamp. After achieving a love-loaf explosion I would survey the mixture of man-essence and old-man booty detritus and proudly announce "ain't that an impeach!". I pray Donald has kept his whoopsie nice, hygienic and godly.
    If I ws an orderly at that hospital I would secretly felch him 🙂

  27. They do the physicals in the WH medical room, so he’s lying.
    Hmmm… 🤔… Maybe he DID have a heart attack! Good excuse to step down without getting his base of basics upset.

  28. not only is he a very stable genius, he looks very healthy. the healthiest president in the history of the united states. I mean seriously? a blind child can see the man is a fat slob who wears!

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