There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke


– Now I don’t know if you’ve
been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone, everywhere is super mad about
everything all the time. I try to stay a little optimistic,
even though I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky. Here’s how I try to look
at it, and this is just me. This guy being the president, it’s like there’s a horse
loose in a hospital. It’s like there’s a horse
loose in a hospital. I think eventually
everything’s gonna be okay, but I have no idea
what’s gonna happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a horse
loose in the hospital. It’s never happened before. No one knows what the
horse is gonna do next, least of all the horse. He’s never been in a hospital before. He’s as confused as you are. There’s no experts. They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, we’re joined now by a man that once saw a bird in the airport. It’s like, get out of here with that shit. We’ve all seen a bird in the airport. This is a horse loose in a hospital. When a horse is loose in a
hospital you gotta stay updated. So all day long, you walk around, oh, what’d the horse
do, what’d the horse do. The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. You’re like, the horse used the elevator? I didn’t know he knew how to do that. The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the horse at all. Like down in the
operating room, like, hey, has anyone, uh… has anyone hea– (makes clip-clop sounds). Those are those quiet
days when people are like, it looks like the horse
has finally calmed down and then ten seconds
later the horse is like, I’m gonna run towards the baby incubators and smash ’em with my hooves, I’ve got nice hooves and
long tail, I’m a horse. And it’s like, aw, that’s
what I thought you’d say you dumb fuckin’ horse. And then, then, then you
go to brunch with people and they’re like, there
shouldn’t be a horse in the hospital. And it’s like, we’re well past that. And then other are people are like, well if there’s gonna
be horse in the hospital I’m gonna say the n-word on TV, and it’s like, those
don’t match up at all. And then for a second it seems like maybe we could survive the horse, and then five thousand miles away a hippo was like, I have a nuclear bomb, And I’m gonna blow up the hospital. And before we could say
anything, the horse was like, if you even fucking look at the hospital, I will stomp you to death with my hooves. I dare you to do it. I want, I want you to do it. I want you to do so I can
stomp you with my hooves I’m so fuckin’ crazy. And he’s like, you think
you’re fuckin’ crazy, I’m a fuckin’ hippopotamus, I
live in a fuckin’ lake of mud, I’m fuckin’ crazy. And all of us are like,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, like poor Andy Cohen at
those goddamn reunions, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. And then for a second we were like, maybe the horse catcher
will catch the horse, and then the horse is like, I have fired the horse catcher. He can do that? That shouldn’t be allowed,
no matter who the horse is. I don’t remember that in Hamilton.

100 thoughts on “There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke

  1. You’re lucky to have a horse in the hospital. In Canada we have a gender neutral Jackass running all our natural resources into the ground.

  2. My favorite and the best piece of comedy to come out of the last decade. God Bless your sly wit and gangly body John Mulaney.

  3. Every time I close my eyes while John Mulaney is speaking I either hear Peter Porker or Andrew Glauberman depending on who I focus more on and I have no idea which one makes me more uncomfortable

  4. 2:22 – Me everytime BoJack Horseman acts like a self destructive jackass even though it looked like he was finally getting better beforehand.

  5. I can so very perfectly see Trump going “Uh! Uh! All I know is business and hitting on my daughter! Quick! Just say something that will piss of another country! That’s what presidents do right? Fire some people! But, make it look like it was for a reason.”

  6. This is some of the best, smoothest, most inventive political comedy I've heard in my life. Mulaney took a sticky topic and actually crafted something out of it instead of just throwing it in like every other comedian on the planet.

  7. This is funny in two ways – funny because he’s talking about President Trump, and funny because this is exactly what I wanted cultural marxists to experience. They can’t stop talking about him. I love it!

  8. He forgot the part where the hospital staff had to make a choice and only had time to close the doors on the horse or on a rabid mountain cougar… some might say it was the lesser of two evils. At least now they don't know for certain what might happen, when if they had let the cougar in all their worries would be gone… very very quickly… and violently.

  9. In all fairness, the likable wolf in there before the dumb horse had already unnecessarily intervened in Libya and Syria by now, indirectly responsible for thousands of deaths (remember Benghazi?). So yes, stupid horse, but that horse hasn't done anything close to that bad… yet.

  10. I missed the first part where John says ‘this guy being the president’ and proceeded to listen about a horse being loose in the hospital for 4 minutes without context and gosh darn it I was properly confused

  11. Tell me this isn't even more true today only 3 months later he's suggesting that China investigate the Biden's on camera, unbelievable!

  12. It wasnt bad for orange man bad NPC humor, even if his comparisons are completely off and dont make any sense when you know the actual events being alluded to.

    But Trump am i right, you all just want your circle jerk truth be damned.

  13. I need Dave Chappelle, John Mulaney, Lee Mack, Richard Ayoade and Bob Mortimer to do a round table together or something.

  14. Wow it's so accurate! Except for minor details here and there. Unlike Trump, horses don't bring national unemployment rates to all time lows. They don't put female employment rates at all time highs. They don't reduce the homeless rates by massive margins, and neither do they send the GDP skyrocketing. Horses haven't effectively solved illegal immigration, nor have they completely assuaged the relationship between the U.S. and North Korea within a few months. And finally, unlike Trump, a horse isn't gonna get reelected in 2020. Besides that, great skit wow so accurate!

  15. So anything anti trump gets amazing praise. Come on folks. While I appreciate his avoidance of actually saying Trump, even once.. at the same time this is just cheap low brow pandering comedy. But John is funny, sone amazing writing. The bit here IS clever for pandering comedy.. compared to the nonsense out there. But its still cheap mindless pandering often earning cheap yucks.

  16. I support some of Trump’s stuff, as I am conservative… but this is… pretty true! I love it. He’s a very immature baby.

  17. The funny thing is that out there somewhere is a horse that is a therapy animal for people in a hospital. He's not a mini horse or a pony either, he is an adult horse. His name is Peyo by the way.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *