Portrait – პორტრეტი


I was born in Tbilisi. I graduated from school on Plekhanovi Street. I studied music as a child. I can’t remember the solfeggio though… I also used to paint which was my favorite thing to do it helped me find peace. Then I was traumatized and the fear started. I felt like I was haunted. You can understand my condition
through the work of various artists. It’s so obvious if you see the scenario! It’s like Bosch’s artwork, with its variety of figures, motions, and animations… You can feel the fear in them. I blame myself for not paying
enough attention to drawing, for not paying serious attention to it… Look, how calmly the birds fly above the graveyard.
Listen to their warble. Doesn’t it make you wonder? Listen, at last, perceive and understand
That the Ruler of essence decides the game plan. Wow, what a poem! It’s cool! So cool! I heard it’s the best therapy… Writing poetry turns out to be the best therapy. I don’t know… I was told so… I’ve been here for eight years now. I was transferred from
Ghudushauri Clinic [in capital Tbilisi]. The treatment is pretty good. I don’t know much about the drugs, but other patients know as much
about them as the doctors. I have more information now and I feel better as my sight is getting clearer. I’m afraid my portrait won’t be completed. Remember Jesus Christ, for example he wasn’t afraid of the crucifixion because he had the love and the truth within, he had God and nothing to fear anymore. I compare my portrait with that. If it turns out to be alright, then I’ll be fine, and I’ll stop thinking about my fears. All these people add up to be one fear… God is above this fear. The portrait genre is cool – it makes me feel the existence of God. It’s good. It’s music. It helps me forget about all these people with their messes and complications. No matter how many people create this fear, it can never get bigger than God. Because God is infinite. God is art. Fear is like greed and it has no end. All I’m saying is the hell does exist. I mean nothing more. I hope something will come out of it, and when the portrait is done, you’ll be able to love people more and fear less. Do you know what I miss? I want to see an assembled piano or just a new one. I want to hear what it sounds like. I miss that, and my people. I miss the feeling, that old feeling…

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