Nerd³ is in Hospital


I’m fine! 🎶 I’m not 🎵 Dan: Oop your bed’s starting to make noise. Jay: Oh yeah. Dan: I’m going up, the bed’s moving. Jay: The bed moves itself, that might be the issue. Dan: This is going into a nice place. Dan: So I’ve just sent out a tweet saying: “About to record a video with MYSTERY GUEST. Ask them anything!” Jay: Oh my god, who are you recording a video with with? Dan: You, you tit! Jay: Oh. “Who are you?” Dan: This is Jay by the way, did I introduce you yet? Jay: Hi I’m Jay. Jay: I’ve been on the channel before. Dan: You may remember him from that time I shot him in the face. Jay: Yeah that was the last time I was here. Dan: Awww boy. Jay: No, that wasn’t the last time. Dan: No, you were in a video after that and you were in the Cards Against Humanity? Jay: I was also on the Cards Against- Jay: I was really miffed about that game. Dan: Why? Jay: Because that was the only game of Cards Against Humanity I’ve ever played Jay: where I’ve never gotten a card to do with cancer. Jay: Not one fucking card came up. “So how are you?” Jay: I am, currently actually quite good. Dan: Good! Jay: Yeah, all things considered. Dan: Yeah. Jay: The all things considered bit is a bit shit though. Dan: Yeah so what are we considering then? Jay: The bit we’re considering is that I’m actually quite ill. Jay: Deathly ill some might say. Dan: Yes, We’ve had phonecalls with that effect. Jay: I have actually relapsed again for a third time. Jay: I’m sorry, I know. Dan: Stop doing drugs man. Jay: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Jay: It was just they were there, I just want them so badly. Dan: Just some cancer lying around I was like “Wahay!” Jay: I just I couldn’t help it, I had so much fun the last two times, Jay: and it was, you know, I just enjoyed it, at least a little bit. Jay: It was fun. Dan: You’ve got like a cancer restaurant. Dan: It’s like a sushi restraunt, just different types go round in tiny bowls. Dan: I shouldn’t! I shouldn’t. I’ll have that one. Dan: I don’t know what you’d do with it. Jay: A moment on the lips, I lifetime on the- Dan: On the drips! Whaaay! Jay: There’s quite a lot of them doing important stuff round exams at the moment. Dan: It’s exam time? Ohh, now I get this! Dan: Now I understand this! Dan: Oh, exams are coming up? Ehh fuck it! Jay: I think this happened last time around exam time as well. Dan: Oh did it!? Did it really?? Jay: I think the first time it was. as well, come to think of it. Dan: Did it? Jay: Yeah.. Dan: Did it really?? Dan: Someone said “So how is Ashens doing?” Dan: How’s Ashens doing? Dan: They’re trying to guess, they’re trying to be very clever and guess who you are. Jay: Umm… Dan: So how’s Ashens doing, do you think? Jay: I could ask him actually. Dan: Wait – you have Ashens on your phone? Dan: Oh my god, are we actually going to find out- You’re actually answering this question properly. Jay: I might be able to, I don’t know. Dan: Okay I’m going to send him a message to see who he likes more! Jay: No, I don’t unfortunately. Dan: 🎵Messaging my friend Ashens🎵 Jay: I was wondering if he was one of the people i had accumulated. Jay: Hello? Dan: I thought that was Ashens! Dan: I thought you’d texted him and he’d just turn up. Was like: Oh my god! Dan: Okay. Ashens has read my message saying “How are you doing?” and has not replied. Jay: Oh. Jay: He’s dead. Dan: Oh no, he’s typing! He’s typing! Dan: Fuck you, cancer boy! Dan: 🎵Ashens replies to me!🎵 Dan: He says “I’m okay, cheers”. Jay: I like how polite he was. Jay: That was just random… Dan: So how are you doing. Jay: If he asked you how you were doing.. Dan: Oh my god, let’s see how- oh he’s typing. There’s more typing. Dan: This has got quite exciting Dan: Aww, he’s genuinly responding how he is. Jay: Aww, that’s nice. Dan: I don’t care anymore. So, next question! Dan: Okay, here’s a good question: “What is your favourite British confectionery” Jay: What are the little green triangles, what are they? Dan: That’s Quality Street. Jay: Aww, is it? Dan: Yeah. Jay: Damn! Dan: What have you put money of this or something? “Have you ever shoved a sweet up your nose?” Dan: Actually you know what would be terrible. The triangle ones would be terrible, you would want an oblong. Jay: They would be bad. Dan: But you’ve picked a sweet that basically you can’t do anything with. Dan: Dan in editing – I’m sorry about the mic that I keep moving. Dan: It slides my leg. I have very smooth legs, also this bed keeps inflating in weird ways. Jay: Did you just tell me i have smooth legs? Dan: No, I said I’ve got very smooth legs. Jay: You’ve got very smooth legs. Dan: You’ve probably got smooth I don’t know. Jay: Please don’t touch my legs. Dan: But now I wanna.. Dan: Just “Pssssst”. Eugh. Jay: Just to see what happens. Dan: It puts a dent and it just doesn’t go, I’m like: Oh fuck, “Would you switch bodys with Matt?” Jay: The answer is still no, since the last time I was asked that. Dan: Awww, Matt! Dan: Oh no, Matt come back! Jay: Noo, come back! “What does Dan smell of?” Dan: I mean, you’ve got a little bit of a handicap on working out what that is. Jay: I can’t really smell anything with this on anyway. Dan: Oxygen! Dan: A shit ton of oxygen. I’d smell like a shit ton of oxygen. Jay: Yes, he smells a lot of oxygen. Dan: It’s why I can’t smoke, I’d just fucking explode. Dan: Why is there Christmas decorations around that, whatever that room is? Jay: I don’t know. I’ve even, I’ve actually mentioned to the person that is meant to take down the Christmas decorations Jay: and they still haven’t decided to take them down. Dan: That is the the most miserable job in a hospital. Dan: “You have to remove the fun from the children.” Jay: Ironically the nurse, her name is Joy, Jay: the lady who does it, so thats quite funny. Dan: I’d like to point out, You’re a big fan of dark humor right? Jay: Yeah. Dan: This Isn’t just me picking like, Dan: my hands are clean on this- well they’re not actually… Dan: I should have sterilise these before i came in probably. Dan: Eh! Jay: There are like a thousand different things that you are meant to do there. Dan: Yeah. Jay: Yeah, and you didn’t use any of them, did you? Dan: No, I’ve got a cut on the back of my hand. Jay: If anything here kills me it will probably be you. Dan: Oh shit, I better get this video out then. Jay: But no on a serious note: I have actually relapsed. Dan: Yeah, this isn’t a set. I haven’t got the money to put a set like this together. Jay: Umm yeah, I’m in hospital again Jay: and I haven’t been home for a while Jay: because I’ve been dealing with this for the past few months and it recently got quite a lot worse Jay: to the point where I may never get better. Dan: That’s a shitter. Jay: That is a bit of a shitter. Jay: Well, at the moment I’m dependent on oxygen, fully dependent and im dependent on this kind, as well, at the moment. Dan: Ooh, what kind is it? Jay: Uhm, well It’s regular oxygen but it goes through a machine that pumps it faster. Dan: Oh okay, I thought it was like blueberry flavour, or some shit. Jay: Yeah, so my cancer isn’t going to get better and the treatment that I was on to try and make it better was killing my body fast than the cancer was itself Jay: so I’ve reached a point where it’s easier to just not have treatment and just see how long I can get along with living basically. Jay: Realistically I’m still probably going to end up dying soon. Dan: Fuck! Jay: Yeah. Jay: So, that’s my state but Jay: still happy to make jokes about it. That was a big thing that I wanted to make sure that everyone knows, really, when they found out about this. Jay: I am 100% still of the stance I would rather laugh about this than feel dodgy, like Jay: like tip toeing around it. Dan: So head over to Jays twitter feed and send him the darkest joke you can think of. Jay: That’s a good idea actually. You know what, I genuinely think thats a good idea. Dan: Yeah, screw it! Jay: Yeah, I want to see everyone- Dan: Get dark! Jay: Get as dark as you can get. Jay: Because it ain’t going to get brighter. Dan: Awwhawww! Dan: Optimism! Optimism ending! Jay: He’s brought back ‘Permadeath’. Dan: And this happened. Dan: Ahh man! I wish I brought back ‘Completes’ instead, you would’ve been fine. Jay: Aww dude! Dan: It’s a good thing I didn’t start a ‘NerdCubed’s Hell’! Dan: I’m gonna go… Jay: Okay. Jay: I think you should go. Jay: Oh, for fuck’s sake! Matt: My bum hurts! Dan: You’re bum hurt? Dan: Oh, his bum hurts! Dan: Get out of the bed! Let him sit down. Dan: Yeah, he needs it. Jay: You know, if I could- Literally, if I had the ability to, I would Jay: because that would be hilarious!

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