A rabbi? You said “anything.” No, no. He’ll do. Ok, rabbi. For what I’ll do?
What’s going on here? Rabbi, we’d like you
to marry us. Marry you?
Please. You’re jewish? Not necessarily. You got a license? Uh, no, we don’t. Please don’t go now. She just needs
to hear the words To make her feel better
before the baby comes. You know how it is. Are you both
serious about this? ’cause I don’t have
time for hijinks. Real serious, rabbi.
Really. Very serious. Well, I could do it.
It wouldn’t be official. It’s all right. I just wanna
hear the words, rabbi. What the hell? What are your names? I’m martin, and
this is lorna. Martin and lorna,Baruch a–What am I doing? How do the goyim
do this? Uh, uh… “dearly beloved.” That’s it. Dearly beloved, we
are gathered here… Dearly beloved, Marriage is
a spiritual union… Oh, rabbi! Faster. She’s heading
for the home stretch. Between 2 people. All right. Martin, will you
take lorna to be your wife? Will you honor, love,
et cetera, et cetera, Et cetera, until death
do you part? I will. Lorna, will you take martin
to be your husband, To, et cetera, et cetera…
The same thing. Yes, I do. All right. I pronounce
you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
You already did that. Let’s go. No. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait. Hold it, hold it. What–what is– Let me have
this glass. I need this glass! God damn it! What
the hell are you doing? Talk to the hand, ok?
I’ll be right back. Ok, wait, wait. You know how long
it took me To fill
that goddamn thing? All day! Leo, this is…
This is unsanitary. What is this? You gotta
break this glass. I’ll get piss
on my shoes. You gotta do this! Mazel tov!
Mazel tov! Hey! What the hell– Come back here,
you little son of a bitch! Pant, pant. Blow.