– I recently ended up in A&E after attempting to use a
sledgehammer to crack a nut. – LAUGHTER Lee’s team.
– Right, first of all, what type of
nut was it? – A walnut.
– Of course. – A walnut. Did you use the floor or the wall? – LAUGHTER – I used…a bit of kitchen surface. – What is your work surface made
from? – Er, er… Well, at home…? – No, no, no, in your shed. – LAUGHTER – What is your kitchen work surface
made from in your kitchen? – It’s a sort of… It’s… I’ve…
It’s… I don’t really know.
– OK. – Why did you have a sledgehammer in
the kitchen? – Well, it was… Ah.
– LAUGHTER – I didn’t. – Oh.
– So, it’s not true. – This didn’t happen…
– Oh, OK.
– At all. So easy. – LAUGHTER – Wow, we broke him quickly tonight,
didn’t we? – No, this didn’t happen at my
house. – Where did it happen?
– At my parents’ house. – So why were you trying to describe
your house when you were talking about the work
surface? – Because he kept asking me about my
own work surface… and I’m just trying to be as helpful
as possible. – OK, can you describe…? Can you tell us the colour of the
kitchen surface in your parents’ house? – Brown.
– Brown. Was it wood? Is it a wooden…?
– No. – Did it look like a tree, but flat? – LAUGHTER – I don’t know what it’s made of but
it’s… – Is it Formica?
– Might be. – AUDIENCE MEMBER:
– Might be Formica.
– Wooden Formica. – Formica.
– Your parents have got wooden
Formica table tops. – I think so. – Why don’t you use your television
money and treat them, you tight git? – LAUGHTER APPLAUSE So, there’s a walnut in your
– Yeah, there is. – You, for whatever reason, maybe
hunger, want to open it. – Yeah, yeah.
– There’s a sledgehammer. – Why is the sledgehammer in your
mum and dad’s…? Apart from the fact they knew you
were coming round. – I… I had to go and find the
sledgehammer. – Where was it, in the end?
– It was in the garage.
– Right. – We couldn’t find any nutcrackers.
– Well, your parents… You say “we” – your parents were
witnessing this? – Yes, I wasn’t on my own in my
parents’ house smashing away at my hand like a
maniac. – LAUGHTER It seems to me that, on the
evolutionary scale between nutcracker and sledgehammer, there are some other things you
might find lying about the house. I wouldn’t…
– A man’s shoe. – Well, and three shattered iPads
later, I found the sledgehammer. – LAUGHTER – Who was there by the way, in
this…? Who was witnessing this? – There were… My parents were
there, my brother, his wife, my
wife. – Peter Gabriel.
– LAUGHTER – David’s not going to get that
– APPLAUSE – Do you want me to explain or are
you all right with that, David? – I can be your sledgehammer.
– Oh, sledgehammer! Oh, yes, very
good. – Sorry, I’ll rephrase that. Rob and
David aren’t going to get this joke. – LAUGHTER – I… I have no idea but there
wasn’t anyone called Peter Gabriel. – LAUGHTER OK, now we know that this story ends
with you in Accident & Emergency. – Yes, yes, yes. – How did that happen? – Well, I got the… I’d been… I’d cracked a few nuts with this
sledgehammer and then maybe I got a bit cocky. – Oh.
– And, I… you know, and I’d left my thumb in
the way. – Oh, no! – And it was… It was carnage. – Sorry, there’s a really… The thumb, can we have a look? All right.
– When was this, before we look?
This Christmas just gone? – It was this Christmas, yes. – So it should look pretty bad, this
thumb, shouldn’t it? – Well, actually… – What was the…? What happened…?
Was it? – You’ll find there’s absolutely no
visible scarring and neither is there on that one. – What a credit to our National
Health Service, ladies and
gentlemen. LAUGHTER – Everyone was absolutely
– It’s weird cos he… – One might almost say miraculous. – Did they say any bones were broken
in your thumb? – They X-rayed it, and fortunately not. They said, “In a few months, “you won’t be able to tell this has
happened.” – LAUGHTER
– Of course. Of course. – LAUGHTER
– Hey, hey. David, they were right. They were spot-on.
– All right, what are you thinking,
Lee? Has this been the truth or has he
made it up? – There’s… There’s bits of it
that… – Well, the bits that are true are
that he’s got thumbs, Gabby. – LAUGHTER – I believed everything until we
looked at his thumbs. – And there’s nothing there.
– And then I was like, “That man not only has not hit
himself in the thumb “with a sledgehammer, “but I don’t think he’s picked up
anything in weeks.” – LAUGHTER APPLAUSE – You think lie, don’t you?
– I would say that it’s a lie. – You’re saying it’s a lie. David, truth or lie? – It is… a lie.
– APPLAUSE Yes, it’s a lie.