Candidate Rehab | The Daily Show


As we move into the race, every week
a Democratic candidate is going to be dropping out. And it’s a tough time for them
to adjust back to society. You know,
you don’t think about it, but presidential candidates
behave in ways that would be insane
if normal people did it. All right? If you were being
romantic with your partner, and you
just flipped into policy, you’d look like a mad person. You know, just like,
“Tell me what you want,” they’re like, “I want an America
that rises to the challenge of climate change,”
you’d be like, “Uh, just say, like, doggie
or missionary, dude. Calm down.” But for candidates who have
spent months behaving that way, it would be nice if there was
a rehabilitation center that could help them adjust
back to normal life. Which is why The Daily Show
started one ourselves. ♪ ♪ LYDIC:
Welcome to Fading Dreams, Candidate Reintegration Center. Here at Fading Dreams, we help
former presidential candidates like you integrate back
into society and learn how to talk and act
like a normal person. You don’t need this, right? Looks great without it.
Look. LYDIC: We’ll help you with
that difficult transition from candidate
to just some person. Just like you,
I want a health care system that works for all Americans… rich and poor. CHIENG:
Sir! Sir! I just asked you
what you want for lunch. Oh. Um… I’d like the burrito. Very good. Next? Burrito! LYDIC:
Our award-winning program will teach you
how not to be a weirdo. So just because I have a baby doesn’t mean
you need to kiss it. -But I need the photo op.
-Oh, no, no. Uh-uh.
No, you don’t. Remember?
You dropped out of the race because you were polling below
Bill de Blasio. Remember that? Yeah, no. (grunts) No! Our candidates stay
in secure dorms which are regularly checked
for contraband. -What’s this?
-That’s… That’s not mine. Oh. That’s how you want
to play this, huh? Maybe I should read you
your poll numbers. No! I’ll be good. -One percent among likely
voters. -Oh, gross. At Fading Dreams, we’re able
to turn political has-beens into their political
has-best selves. But don’t just take
our word for it, listen to some
of our satisfied clients. Fading Dreams taught me
I don’t have to shake hands with everyone wherever I go. I still do, but that’s just
because I love shaking hands. It’s a separate problem
I’m working on. Fading Dreams taught me
I didn’t have to be president. They also taught me how to make
some cool macaroni art. It’s a kitty. LYDIC: At Fading Dreams, we’ll
put you on the road to recovery and the results,
they speak for themselves. Mmm. Corn. I love corn. This corn looks so good. I… I… I don’t want to eat corn. WOMAN: But what about
the voters in Iowa? (bleep) Iowa. (gasping) Yeah. (bleep) Iowa. Ha-ha. Robert? You’re cured. -Ah.
-(applause) Johnson! Johnson! ALL (chanting): Johnson!
Johnson! Johnson! Johnson! So come to Fading Dreams. We’ll make you normal again. MAN: We need more guys
like you in charge. You’re right.
I’m gonna run for president. God damn it. Take him down. Hey! (cheers and applause)

100 thoughts on “Candidate Rehab | The Daily Show

  1. Anyone know which actor played candidate Johnson (the old guy) …just that he seemed familiar to me (not as politician), possibly actor Kale Brown (from the soap Another World) ? Scrolled through comments (and checked imdb) but didn't see mention of it.

    Nifty segment, enjoyed it-surprised Swalwell was willing to participate 🙂

  2. So that Swallowell guy was a real candidate? I never seen him before. How the hell did Sharpton loose all that weight, though? He used to be really fat af.

  3. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 all jokes aside I do they go back to being a normal so I know it can't be as simple as flipping 💯

  4. Does this "fading dreams" rehab center accept former German Bundestag candidates? I think I could get you a few clients! hah hah

  5. I wouldn't call the state of enjoying shaking hands with everyone, everywhere you go a "problem." I think the world could use more people like that.

  6. Dude was that really Eric ? That was hilarious I just like shaking hands that's a separate problem😂 he would have made cool president

  7. Hi, I don't trust mainstream news much anymore, so I hope someone can enlighten me on this subject. Thanks.

    I know that there are some Republicans trying to run. It seems that the party, however has banned or stopped primaries in certain states (or maybe it was all states).

    Are they allowed to do that? Does that mean these would be candidates can't challenge Trump to be the Republican candidate? What avenues might they have to challenge him then?

    P.S. I am not American. I have some basic understanding of your electoral college system and primary elections.

  8. How dare he brings that oily "sell his fellow blacks for his own enrichment and aggrandizement", snake oil
    salesman al sharpton there

  9. Black poor:
    Homeless Mom Sentenced to 5 Years in Prison for Using Friend's Address to Enroll Son in…

    White privileged:
    Felicity Huffman, 7 days in jail for bribery in school system scandal…

    Do the math…

  10. I actually don’t like this at all (been a huge fan of the show since Jon). By narrowly focusing in on Dems and not Republicans, it is sending a public message about Dems being the losers in this race. Stop doubting. Start promoting.

  11. Where's crazy Hillary Clinton?

    By God I had so much fun that election night. We were stalking every Hillary supporter we saw😂

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